When you are lost and struggling back it just doesn't take much

I can't say as a Christian I have had any relationship with the Lord in quite some time. Maybe that's why I writing this blog, trying to publicly put it out there hoping it will make sense or maybe someone will say something that I haven't heard a million times to make how things work in this world make any sort of sense. I doubt it.
I am just to the point where nothing matters anymore and I am just playing the role. I can't remember the last time anyone has heard me say that I'm praying or what i believe but what I did believe I no longer do. Make sense?
1. I believed that God was concerned with every single detail of our life. From when we wake to when we sleep. I no longer do.
2. I believed that prayer made a difference. Seriously? I can't believe that I believed that. Now I totally realize that what happens happens and whether we pray or not the decision is already set so what difference does praying make? It just doesn't. Not sure why that is so stressed, no amount of prayer will every change what our path will be and I will never believe differently.
3. And most of all, Christians are no different than anyone else. They talk a great game but act no differently that anyone else.
4. I'm still spinning trying to figure it all out. Trying to figure out why He listens to everyone else but I continually get screwed. From career to children, just seems like I'm knocking on the door and nobody is home and all the while it is rubbed into my face, repeatedly. Never gets easier.
And really, nobody truly gives a rat patooty about my rants of injustice.