Show was great for not playing out in so long. One thing I did realize is that I really miss it. I miss entertaining and ministering people, so I am planning on doing more of it. Not sure how much, but, I will be making some dates.
I have a video that is too long to load to websites so I'll keep trying.
I ended up throwing in 3 new songs. All I needed to sing and thank you so much Nichole Nordeman! Her writing is inspiring to me.
So, back in the saddle, back to performing I am. It will all work out in the end I'm sure, but, I really am looking forward to it and hopefully doing a bit more writing also.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Moods
Somewhere tonight I was overtaken by a mood of grrrr. I've been truly struggling these days with a few things concerning the infertility. Like the last couple of weeks. I wasn't exoecting to be pregnant yet I was late and of course after 2 tests (a home test that came back invalid and a blood test at the doctors) my "friend" comes so I know I'm not. Kinda a cruel joke for no reason at all. I was supposed to go get my test on Monday to see if I am able to take clomid again and my truck breaks on Saturday so I don't get it back til Monday which makes it too late to take the test.
I have a show coming up, I want to play yet I don't want to play. I'm kinda at a place of questioning again. The all knowing......do I really believe that. Our struggles through infertility while women abuse their babies or kill them with a abortion. I can understand my struggle with the wisdom of God. I'm also faced with another lost dream.......music, getting signed, touring, and I'm seeing it happen for someone I know. A mix of emotions all the time. Happy for "him" and yet sooo jealous because once again I see reality staring me in the face. So it's a double whammy for me tonight. No career of my choice and not having another child I desperately want. So.....the oasis continues. I have put a hold on all worship leading until my head is straight. Don't get me wrong. When the wheel bent on my truck I realized I easily could;ve been on 95 doing 80mph. I couldn't steer and the damage to the truck would have been major....if we survived. So I understand God was looking out for me, but, when it comes to other things I just can't hold onto that anymore. At least not right now.
I have a show coming up, I want to play yet I don't want to play. I'm kinda at a place of questioning again. The all knowing......do I really believe that. Our struggles through infertility while women abuse their babies or kill them with a abortion. I can understand my struggle with the wisdom of God. I'm also faced with another lost dream.......music, getting signed, touring, and I'm seeing it happen for someone I know. A mix of emotions all the time. Happy for "him" and yet sooo jealous because once again I see reality staring me in the face. So it's a double whammy for me tonight. No career of my choice and not having another child I desperately want. So.....the oasis continues. I have put a hold on all worship leading until my head is straight. Don't get me wrong. When the wheel bent on my truck I realized I easily could;ve been on 95 doing 80mph. I couldn't steer and the damage to the truck would have been major....if we survived. So I understand God was looking out for me, but, when it comes to other things I just can't hold onto that anymore. At least not right now.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Spiritual Oasis
You know, as I went to lead Worship this morning I had to stop and wonder if I am really prepared to do so. Not musically, that I have covered. Vocal warm ups were fantastic on the way over so that wasn't the problem.
The problem is the oasis I am in at the moment. Believe God can, but, wondering why He won't. Wondering if I forgotten (figuratively there as I know God forgets none of us ever). Just not feeling that I am in the best place right now. Been dealing with some heavy stuff of late. One of which, secondary infertility. Who knew? For years we questioned if I was had PCOS. My doctor believed that after my last surgery (ovaectomy) my hormone levels dropped which allowed the egg to release. It happened quickly after my surgery, so much so that since I had a DNC my lining was thin and progesterone very low I was monitored very closely.
So, here we are, in our 40's and trying again. I never ever expected to be a homeschooling mommy and for years after Jana was born (remember it took years to have her as well, we were married 11 years)I was totally focused on her. I have heard the "If you are going to try you had better get the lead out because your eggs are old." So, now at 41, I have old eggs, PCOS-Polycycstics Ovarians Disease, one ovary, and a little girl who is dying for a sister. Kinda hard.
Throw in insenstive women I have to deal with and their comments regarding my one "It's easier for you to get around you only have one." "It's easier for you to school you only have one." I guess you don't have the sibling issues because you only have one." Yea....pretty insensitive. Harder to deal with, they don't realize they are saying it to, they never will, nor will the fertile "myrtles" really understand that. Makes things more difficult for sure.
So, today as I am cleaning my daughter informs me this is taking forever. So I kinda said, you know Jan by the time a sister (yes she does not want a brother, lol) gets here you are gonna be older and not ready to play all the time. She insists that she will. She would make a great big sister.
Adoption is on the table. I just want to be sure we exhaust all options here first. Prayers are always welcome though in the oasis I'm starting to wonder if they will do any good, though I know they do. It's one of those struggling things. I know what is true but sometimes I just feel the doubts stronger than others.
A little story about the first pregnancies in case this blog turns out to be my release. We all need to vent sometimes. I spent years and years in infertility treatment. I even had a IUI but that too was unsuccessful. I had two surgeries. One to diagnose the PCOS and another to add drainage holes to help our changes of the ovaries working properly. We left treatment anout 3 years in because I just couldn't do it anymore. Actually, we couldn't do it anymore. It gets beyond stressful. I went off of all drugs during this time and started to get back in shape again. Then I was in a car accident. Head on. Majorly hurt. Still have problems today. I spent about 4 years recovering. Major bummer. Because my periods were regular nobody checked my ovaries. I was told to go have babies. Haha, kinda funny.
In Jan of 2001 I went to my old fertility specialist as my GYN again. Of course, knowing my history I was sent for a ultrasound of my ovaries. I got a call from my doctor telling me I had a mass on the right one. I was sent in for surgery in March. I had spent the weeks after surgery preparing a Mothers Day sermon. Putting the mothers of the Bible to songs. Mother's Day morning I took a pregnancy test because I just happened to be a week late. Didn't think in a million years it would come back positive. All the negative tests and this is what I find out Mother's Day morning before delivering the sermon I worked so hard on for months. In January of 2002 Jana (pronounced Yonna as it is German) was born. The greatest gift ever.
So after writing that story I again ask myself why I cannot even in this moment believe that God can work again? I don't know. I heard a great sermon this morning about Jesus healing a man with leporsy and that this was only the 2nd case ever in the history of the Bible. BUT, I still struggle and think, nope. Not gonna happen. I kept hearing Nichole's song "Help Me Believe" the entire time this sermon was happening too. Why can't I believe? Partly, I'm afraid to open my heart to the negative's again. It's easier to say never then to let in hope to have hope taken away.
The story continues.....................................I told my husband I was calling my GYN Monday to discuss the drug options.
The problem is the oasis I am in at the moment. Believe God can, but, wondering why He won't. Wondering if I forgotten (figuratively there as I know God forgets none of us ever). Just not feeling that I am in the best place right now. Been dealing with some heavy stuff of late. One of which, secondary infertility. Who knew? For years we questioned if I was had PCOS. My doctor believed that after my last surgery (ovaectomy) my hormone levels dropped which allowed the egg to release. It happened quickly after my surgery, so much so that since I had a DNC my lining was thin and progesterone very low I was monitored very closely.
So, here we are, in our 40's and trying again. I never ever expected to be a homeschooling mommy and for years after Jana was born (remember it took years to have her as well, we were married 11 years)I was totally focused on her. I have heard the "If you are going to try you had better get the lead out because your eggs are old." So, now at 41, I have old eggs, PCOS-Polycycstics Ovarians Disease, one ovary, and a little girl who is dying for a sister. Kinda hard.
Throw in insenstive women I have to deal with and their comments regarding my one "It's easier for you to get around you only have one." "It's easier for you to school you only have one." I guess you don't have the sibling issues because you only have one." Yea....pretty insensitive. Harder to deal with, they don't realize they are saying it to, they never will, nor will the fertile "myrtles" really understand that. Makes things more difficult for sure.
So, today as I am cleaning my daughter informs me this is taking forever. So I kinda said, you know Jan by the time a sister (yes she does not want a brother, lol) gets here you are gonna be older and not ready to play all the time. She insists that she will. She would make a great big sister.
Adoption is on the table. I just want to be sure we exhaust all options here first. Prayers are always welcome though in the oasis I'm starting to wonder if they will do any good, though I know they do. It's one of those struggling things. I know what is true but sometimes I just feel the doubts stronger than others.
A little story about the first pregnancies in case this blog turns out to be my release. We all need to vent sometimes. I spent years and years in infertility treatment. I even had a IUI but that too was unsuccessful. I had two surgeries. One to diagnose the PCOS and another to add drainage holes to help our changes of the ovaries working properly. We left treatment anout 3 years in because I just couldn't do it anymore. Actually, we couldn't do it anymore. It gets beyond stressful. I went off of all drugs during this time and started to get back in shape again. Then I was in a car accident. Head on. Majorly hurt. Still have problems today. I spent about 4 years recovering. Major bummer. Because my periods were regular nobody checked my ovaries. I was told to go have babies. Haha, kinda funny.
In Jan of 2001 I went to my old fertility specialist as my GYN again. Of course, knowing my history I was sent for a ultrasound of my ovaries. I got a call from my doctor telling me I had a mass on the right one. I was sent in for surgery in March. I had spent the weeks after surgery preparing a Mothers Day sermon. Putting the mothers of the Bible to songs. Mother's Day morning I took a pregnancy test because I just happened to be a week late. Didn't think in a million years it would come back positive. All the negative tests and this is what I find out Mother's Day morning before delivering the sermon I worked so hard on for months. In January of 2002 Jana (pronounced Yonna as it is German) was born. The greatest gift ever.
So after writing that story I again ask myself why I cannot even in this moment believe that God can work again? I don't know. I heard a great sermon this morning about Jesus healing a man with leporsy and that this was only the 2nd case ever in the history of the Bible. BUT, I still struggle and think, nope. Not gonna happen. I kept hearing Nichole's song "Help Me Believe" the entire time this sermon was happening too. Why can't I believe? Partly, I'm afraid to open my heart to the negative's again. It's easier to say never then to let in hope to have hope taken away.
The story continues.....................................I told my husband I was calling my GYN Monday to discuss the drug options.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Joy Stealing and OCD
I am OCD. Though I have never been "clinically diagnosed" I really don't need to be. I know it. From being a germaphob to counting numbers and everything being even, all the sign point to the undeniable fact that I am totally and completely OCD. I've made my peace with it.
So, being happy needless to say, can sometimes be a chore and the Devil, being the sneaky little guy that he is, knows that is my weakness. Not obsession over something- be it annoying neighbors, paying bills, my daughter not being her usual well mannered happy self, to people cutting me off on the road, not living a dream (music, as I got started I also got something I wanted with my whole heart as well, my daughter), those are the things that can so easily absorb my thoughts.
Now, I know this and fully know that as a child of God I am supposed to have joy in the Lord always! Not sometimes, not half the time, the word is ALWAYS. In everything, EVERYTHING, give thanks.
So here are my end of summer pressure points:
New neighbors again-
We live in a semi attached house which is great 90% of the time. We generally like our neighbors and there are a few we have become quite close to over the last 15 years. However, living attached just isn't for us anymore and so, despite finally getting my house redecorated I am stopping, going plain and getting ready to start throwing stuff in storage. I'll so miss my staircase, which was the selling point of the house for me. It's just great and BIG! I put up a Lamplight Village border in my dining room and with the Autumn Splendor paint I have created my own "Shire". Fall is my favorite time of year (I actually started dating my husband then and when the weather gets cooler I think of our dating years). I can't find it anymore and I definitely don't have enough left to do it again :O(. Very sad face. I keep praying for a miracle. I'll find it somewhere in cyberspace. So neighbors number 8 will be here soon. Four renters and 1 from some very loud part of the world where nobody respects anyone else and the kids run like hudlums and Four owners, 1 also bad with a kid who controlled her and not the other way around. Both times taught me some things I never would have normally thought of with parenting. We are very nervous. Working on the house is fun too, all the banging. I believe in God's timing. I believe it is time for us to move.
Money-
I barely see my husband right now he is working so much. Sucks, and despite all that and God always being faithful in His blessing of our finances (and our credit being back to "on demand" you know, walk into a store and say I want a credit card) I am always in a panic. I don't know why and being OCD, my goodness, that can really control my thoughts. I remember once overdrawing our account and being upset about it for days. It's something I really and truly need to learn to let go of. The constant worry.
Health-
All of ours. From mine to my husband to my daughter. I remember when she was born I was terrified of SIDS. Terrified! I don't think I slept until she was a year old. Then I heard a story of someone losing their child at 5 years old and I thought to myself, wow! this will never go away. There is always going to be something to worry about.
I have always been aware of the warfare part of life. When something good happens something will happen to get my OCD up and running quickly. I'm hoping I get older and wiser here. Then maybe I cann see what is happening and apply the lessons I've learned quickly and efficiently so the OCD doesn't stand a chance.
Adding to our family-
I can't believe I am dealing with PCOS again.
Stay tuned as I plan on sharing my thoughts here instead of holding it all in and pretending everything is always ok.
So, being happy needless to say, can sometimes be a chore and the Devil, being the sneaky little guy that he is, knows that is my weakness. Not obsession over something- be it annoying neighbors, paying bills, my daughter not being her usual well mannered happy self, to people cutting me off on the road, not living a dream (music, as I got started I also got something I wanted with my whole heart as well, my daughter), those are the things that can so easily absorb my thoughts.
Now, I know this and fully know that as a child of God I am supposed to have joy in the Lord always! Not sometimes, not half the time, the word is ALWAYS. In everything, EVERYTHING, give thanks.
So here are my end of summer pressure points:
New neighbors again-
We live in a semi attached house which is great 90% of the time. We generally like our neighbors and there are a few we have become quite close to over the last 15 years. However, living attached just isn't for us anymore and so, despite finally getting my house redecorated I am stopping, going plain and getting ready to start throwing stuff in storage. I'll so miss my staircase, which was the selling point of the house for me. It's just great and BIG! I put up a Lamplight Village border in my dining room and with the Autumn Splendor paint I have created my own "Shire". Fall is my favorite time of year (I actually started dating my husband then and when the weather gets cooler I think of our dating years). I can't find it anymore and I definitely don't have enough left to do it again :O(. Very sad face. I keep praying for a miracle. I'll find it somewhere in cyberspace. So neighbors number 8 will be here soon. Four renters and 1 from some very loud part of the world where nobody respects anyone else and the kids run like hudlums and Four owners, 1 also bad with a kid who controlled her and not the other way around. Both times taught me some things I never would have normally thought of with parenting. We are very nervous. Working on the house is fun too, all the banging. I believe in God's timing. I believe it is time for us to move.
Money-
I barely see my husband right now he is working so much. Sucks, and despite all that and God always being faithful in His blessing of our finances (and our credit being back to "on demand" you know, walk into a store and say I want a credit card) I am always in a panic. I don't know why and being OCD, my goodness, that can really control my thoughts. I remember once overdrawing our account and being upset about it for days. It's something I really and truly need to learn to let go of. The constant worry.
Health-
All of ours. From mine to my husband to my daughter. I remember when she was born I was terrified of SIDS. Terrified! I don't think I slept until she was a year old. Then I heard a story of someone losing their child at 5 years old and I thought to myself, wow! this will never go away. There is always going to be something to worry about.
I have always been aware of the warfare part of life. When something good happens something will happen to get my OCD up and running quickly. I'm hoping I get older and wiser here. Then maybe I cann see what is happening and apply the lessons I've learned quickly and efficiently so the OCD doesn't stand a chance.
Adding to our family-
I can't believe I am dealing with PCOS again.
Stay tuned as I plan on sharing my thoughts here instead of holding it all in and pretending everything is always ok.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sleep where are thou?
For the last few days I've been having a hard time getting to sleep. It's not because things are bad however, it's because things are changing and I honestly know it's for the better. Directions, instructions, ambitions, all are involved in my thoughts right now and making me a little too wired. I've been adjusting to the change in my work schedule and with that change has been almost a revitalization to our homeschooling. It's crazy how working a 2nd shift can interfere with school, but, it really does, especially when there are activities at night.
Some other random thoughts......as I've sat back and finally had a chance to read the Healthcare Reform Bill I am a little disappointed. I am definitely pro-"get the healthcare industry, the bloodsuckers" but this bill didn't really do that. The cost of medicine, the cost of care, the cost of appointments. Those are the issues I have zero tolerance for. I hope it is only a start. I also hope to stop hearing the word socialism. Had to throw that in there. I also admit I just watched Sicko, but, I've previously wrote of my own bizarre healthcare issue. Makes you afraid to ever get sick. I know most Republicans hate Michael Moore. I don't like him or hate him, he just is and I watch his films and walk away with what I want. Hillary.....wow honey......I was a big supporter for years and what I thought I heard was confirmed. That does not sit well with me at all.
Slipping in the shower really does happen...........I still cannot believe that happened. I mean really, who does that. Well, it really is more common than we think it is. My knee is pretty messed up but healing well. Not as bad as I thought it would be.
One thing I am is honest. People may not agree with what I have to say but I feel the way I feel and you'll never have to really wonder. I don't do phony well. One thing I will always be is my daughter's advocate. I will always look out for her well being especially with people who don't have hers in mind.
Sleep, where art thou? I have no clue! I just need to go to sleep soon for a busy day tomorrow.
Some other random thoughts......as I've sat back and finally had a chance to read the Healthcare Reform Bill I am a little disappointed. I am definitely pro-"get the healthcare industry, the bloodsuckers" but this bill didn't really do that. The cost of medicine, the cost of care, the cost of appointments. Those are the issues I have zero tolerance for. I hope it is only a start. I also hope to stop hearing the word socialism. Had to throw that in there. I also admit I just watched Sicko, but, I've previously wrote of my own bizarre healthcare issue. Makes you afraid to ever get sick. I know most Republicans hate Michael Moore. I don't like him or hate him, he just is and I watch his films and walk away with what I want. Hillary.....wow honey......I was a big supporter for years and what I thought I heard was confirmed. That does not sit well with me at all.
Slipping in the shower really does happen...........I still cannot believe that happened. I mean really, who does that. Well, it really is more common than we think it is. My knee is pretty messed up but healing well. Not as bad as I thought it would be.
One thing I am is honest. People may not agree with what I have to say but I feel the way I feel and you'll never have to really wonder. I don't do phony well. One thing I will always be is my daughter's advocate. I will always look out for her well being especially with people who don't have hers in mind.
Sleep, where art thou? I have no clue! I just need to go to sleep soon for a busy day tomorrow.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Good Friday
How many of you parents have heard that from your kids regarding going to Easter Service? I have heard it the last two years. Easter is more fun.......we get candy and eggs and we are at that difficult age where getting is a focus. I don't like it but I know it will pass.
So this week I heard that again as I am prepping myself for service Good Friday. This year I had an answer. If we don't have Good Friday then we don't have Easter.
We make no mistakes about it in this house what Easter is really about. We don't worry about a bunny. I can't spin the bunny. I can spin Santa, but, not the bunny. It has nothing to do with the resurrection. I do make sure she does not tell other people's kids however.
We have read it over and over again in our Bible's.....what happened Good Friday, but, seeing a visual really hammers it home. I posted one on my page on facebook that combines Nichole Nordeman's song "Why" with a video. Pretty powerful stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14tZRDdwggU
Happy Resurrection Day everyone!!!! He Is Risen!!
So this week I heard that again as I am prepping myself for service Good Friday. This year I had an answer. If we don't have Good Friday then we don't have Easter.
We make no mistakes about it in this house what Easter is really about. We don't worry about a bunny. I can't spin the bunny. I can spin Santa, but, not the bunny. It has nothing to do with the resurrection. I do make sure she does not tell other people's kids however.
We have read it over and over again in our Bible's.....what happened Good Friday, but, seeing a visual really hammers it home. I posted one on my page on facebook that combines Nichole Nordeman's song "Why" with a video. Pretty powerful stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14tZRDdwggU
Happy Resurrection Day everyone!!!! He Is Risen!!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Vegetarian Shepherds Pie
I use 6 burgers from BJ's the bigger ones. You can also use a package of Morningstar or Boca Crumbles. Since vegetarians products don't contain fat I use olive oil to cook them.
Saute burgers/crumbles with red onion and salt and pepper
Once done put in the pan you plan on baking with. Layer with corn (the Pens-Mario's wife actually) also use peas. I don't like peas.
Mashed potatoes on top.
Bake til heated through since everything is already cooked.
Very simple to make and easy to fix. Very tasty!!!!
Saute burgers/crumbles with red onion and salt and pepper
Once done put in the pan you plan on baking with. Layer with corn (the Pens-Mario's wife actually) also use peas. I don't like peas.
Mashed potatoes on top.
Bake til heated through since everything is already cooked.
Very simple to make and easy to fix. Very tasty!!!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I know it's hard but..........
but sometimes, people just don't agree with me!!! Shocking I know since I am always right - yes that is a joke so please........don't email me now reminding me that I can be wrong. While I may be a smartie pants, I am not an idiot. No pun intended. OK, well, maybe a little pun.
Seriously though, over the years I've had to bite my tongue about things as not to start arguments with people I know (I won't say friends as that's not always true)so is it that hard on the flip side. Seems to be. At times, I have to admit, it has given me a good laugh because I'm sharing my opinions and listening to the "you can think what you want but you are wrong and I'm right" and it has been a bit amusing. Other times, it's just downright irritating. It's starting to get more irritating then amusing.
Here's an idea.....don't click, don't read, just (as my friend from work would say) Keep It Moving. I do it all the time. Hourly even when I'm on facebook.
So deep breath..........ready.........people aren't always going to agree with what I say or what you say, or what I think and how you think, and there are gonna be times when you know what, I just don't care and neither really should you. If you honestly feel strong in your beliefs you don't have to always defend them. You don't have to attack someone else either. It just is.
Seriously though, over the years I've had to bite my tongue about things as not to start arguments with people I know (I won't say friends as that's not always true)so is it that hard on the flip side. Seems to be. At times, I have to admit, it has given me a good laugh because I'm sharing my opinions and listening to the "you can think what you want but you are wrong and I'm right" and it has been a bit amusing. Other times, it's just downright irritating. It's starting to get more irritating then amusing.
Here's an idea.....don't click, don't read, just (as my friend from work would say) Keep It Moving. I do it all the time. Hourly even when I'm on facebook.
So deep breath..........ready.........people aren't always going to agree with what I say or what you say, or what I think and how you think, and there are gonna be times when you know what, I just don't care and neither really should you. If you honestly feel strong in your beliefs you don't have to always defend them. You don't have to attack someone else either. It just is.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sitting and Waiting
I guess I'm waiting for a few things. The first is the promised snow we are supposed to get. Not seeing it. Been snowing all day and still not too much on the ground. Disappointing. I spent most of the week getting sadder and sadder because I love the look of snow on the ground. Everything seems so clean. I was sad seeing all the brown, not even the green of spring with colors, just brown from dirt. Ick!
Rough day with the kid today. She has my temper and man she is so stubborn.....just like her daddy. That's a joke, just like her mom. The two of us together.......sometimes we just push each others buttons, that was today. But this shall pass. They always do.
Rough day with the kid today. She has my temper and man she is so stubborn.....just like her daddy. That's a joke, just like her mom. The two of us together.......sometimes we just push each others buttons, that was today. But this shall pass. They always do.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Some Things I've noticed since I stopped smoking
1. Smoking really really smells! I seriously feel like Doug from Up. There are certain people who just wear it on them, never thought I would turn into one of "those" ex-smokers. I don't always say it, but, man, it can be nauseating.
2. I love, LOVE chocolate covered pretzels, especially ones made by a friend named Paula who first dips them in caramel. Then I hear she has to cut the wax paper off, at least she does it. I am way too lazy. Hey there's one in my hand now :O).
3. I love, LOVE chocolate strawberries. I really never have before but I seem to really really like them now. Who knew?
4. My patience is quite thin so please PLEASE, stop pushing your luck. You know who you are.
5. People drive like idiots on 95. I don't get it, long straight road with no lights from Maine to Florida (I think it's that long. I'm sure someone will correct me if it isnt and when you do please read #4 again) yet breaking is constant. What are these people thinking? I can't just blame Philly people because New Jersey people are just as bad.
6. I get out of the door sooooooo much quicker. I also get dressed quicker in the morning.
7. I have the absolute hardest time waking up in the mornings. On those mornings please remember #4.
2. I love, LOVE chocolate covered pretzels, especially ones made by a friend named Paula who first dips them in caramel. Then I hear she has to cut the wax paper off, at least she does it. I am way too lazy. Hey there's one in my hand now :O).
3. I love, LOVE chocolate strawberries. I really never have before but I seem to really really like them now. Who knew?
4. My patience is quite thin so please PLEASE, stop pushing your luck. You know who you are.
5. People drive like idiots on 95. I don't get it, long straight road with no lights from Maine to Florida (I think it's that long. I'm sure someone will correct me if it isnt and when you do please read #4 again) yet breaking is constant. What are these people thinking? I can't just blame Philly people because New Jersey people are just as bad.
6. I get out of the door sooooooo much quicker. I also get dressed quicker in the morning.
7. I have the absolute hardest time waking up in the mornings. On those mornings please remember #4.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Operation Quit Smoking - Day 12 - almost 13 :O)
I have to say Chantix is some pretty amazing stuff. Sure I still want to smoke, but, I don't need to. I've gotten through all the firsts last week so not smoking somewhere isn't new anymore. Jana is quite proud of her mommy.
Funny part, I smell you!! I am so surprised by all the people I now know smoke. When I sit at work I can smell them across the room. I do a girl's hair and I know her dad smokes because I smell it in her hair. It's crazy.
Side effect of quitting.....yea there is some. My body is now ridding itself of all the toxins and my face is breaking out like mad. Just when I was wondering what was going because I am never this bad (at least not since I was a teenager), I got an email from Quitnet saying this is what would happen as my body heals itself. OK. So, I guess I can handle it now. But seriously, who knew?
Things have been stressful with the roof but I think all in all I'm doing extremely well. I keep telling myself that one day I'll have 1 but I know I won't. It's just my way to not thinking about forever. I'm sure I am remembering the memory, just like when I went vegetarian in 1993. I still remember loving chicken, I still remember loving pepper steak from the chinese place. Just because I remember something doesn't mean it still is. I read that in a vegetarian magazine years ago. You are remembering the memory and chances are if you tried it, you wouldn't like it.
Funny part, I smell you!! I am so surprised by all the people I now know smoke. When I sit at work I can smell them across the room. I do a girl's hair and I know her dad smokes because I smell it in her hair. It's crazy.
Side effect of quitting.....yea there is some. My body is now ridding itself of all the toxins and my face is breaking out like mad. Just when I was wondering what was going because I am never this bad (at least not since I was a teenager), I got an email from Quitnet saying this is what would happen as my body heals itself. OK. So, I guess I can handle it now. But seriously, who knew?
Things have been stressful with the roof but I think all in all I'm doing extremely well. I keep telling myself that one day I'll have 1 but I know I won't. It's just my way to not thinking about forever. I'm sure I am remembering the memory, just like when I went vegetarian in 1993. I still remember loving chicken, I still remember loving pepper steak from the chinese place. Just because I remember something doesn't mean it still is. I read that in a vegetarian magazine years ago. You are remembering the memory and chances are if you tried it, you wouldn't like it.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Operation Quit Smoking- Day 4
Well, if I can survive day 1 with a tree falling on my house I think I am doing pretty good. That was a hard day though, I really wanted to go by a pack and that would have been the perfect excuse really......but I didn't.
Day 2 was just as stressful and since I'm used to smoking my anxiety away I still hadn't calmed down too much.
Day 3 Went ok. No major stuff, finally, just the normal morning I want to smoke issues. That's how I woke up and you know, my daughter gets her "sleep is the enemy" attitude from me.
So here I am at Day 4. According to QuitNet, I've not smoke 41 cigarettes, saved $12.60, and saved 7 hours of life. Not exactly big numbers there but I do like reading the emails!
This is the first time I've actually made an effort to quit and I knew I was kinda serious when I told everyone! I mean everyone. I wanted to be held accountable. Hard to have that when you keep it a secret, but, most people didn't know I smoked anyway. I was a total closet smoker. I couldn't smoke at co-op, I hid it at church, I got very used to playing the role of a non-smoker.
By biggest issues of course is in the morning when I am very tired. That is how I woke up most mornings. Make coffee, run outside. Now, I make coffee and sit at my laptop. It's going ok. The Chantix is awesome. I was sensitive to the smell and taste before I had to give up completely. Funny thing, at the studio a girl came in and as I was helping with her bun I could smell the smoke on her from her dad. WOW. Hope Jana never smelled like smoke from me.
I am used to not smoking and driving since I have a child and I don't want to smoke around her. It is hard running errands because I would always blaze up once I stepped out of the car. Jana is so used to that I find myself waiting for her now, but, she waited for me long enough.
So.............the day goes on.
Day 2 was just as stressful and since I'm used to smoking my anxiety away I still hadn't calmed down too much.
Day 3 Went ok. No major stuff, finally, just the normal morning I want to smoke issues. That's how I woke up and you know, my daughter gets her "sleep is the enemy" attitude from me.
So here I am at Day 4. According to QuitNet, I've not smoke 41 cigarettes, saved $12.60, and saved 7 hours of life. Not exactly big numbers there but I do like reading the emails!
This is the first time I've actually made an effort to quit and I knew I was kinda serious when I told everyone! I mean everyone. I wanted to be held accountable. Hard to have that when you keep it a secret, but, most people didn't know I smoked anyway. I was a total closet smoker. I couldn't smoke at co-op, I hid it at church, I got very used to playing the role of a non-smoker.
By biggest issues of course is in the morning when I am very tired. That is how I woke up most mornings. Make coffee, run outside. Now, I make coffee and sit at my laptop. It's going ok. The Chantix is awesome. I was sensitive to the smell and taste before I had to give up completely. Funny thing, at the studio a girl came in and as I was helping with her bun I could smell the smoke on her from her dad. WOW. Hope Jana never smelled like smoke from me.
I am used to not smoking and driving since I have a child and I don't want to smoke around her. It is hard running errands because I would always blaze up once I stepped out of the car. Jana is so used to that I find myself waiting for her now, but, she waited for me long enough.
So.............the day goes on.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Fear is unbelief
One of the things I really want to discipline myself with this year is reading my Bible 1st thing in the morning, before the rest of the clutter gets in to distract me (Jana needs food, dog needs to go potty, etc). Today I read something that had a "hmm" factor to it.
I know we Christians have all heard of FROG, Fully Rely on God or FEAR, False Evidence Appearing Real, and all the other sayings that challenge us on a daily basis. Today this saying really struck me, though it seems I've read it before as there were notes on the side in my handwriting......
Fear is unbelief and unbelief makes you fear........
Fear has been a big issue for me since I had my car accident in 1996. I remember in those months I hated to leave the house. When 9-11 hit I was afraid to be anywhere! I was afraid to drive, I was afraid to be a passenger, I was afraid of so many things. Those fears have just changed to other issues in my life.
If I believe in God's goodness and his provision of taking care of His children then what should I fear?
If I believe that we are all pre-destined and life doesn't just happen by chance then isn't God already taking care of what I am fearing?
I am a control freak. No doubt I have issues in this department. So my challenge is not to stay where I don't want to be, to truly let go and let God take care of things. Even the uncertain things that are out of my control.
I know we Christians have all heard of FROG, Fully Rely on God or FEAR, False Evidence Appearing Real, and all the other sayings that challenge us on a daily basis. Today this saying really struck me, though it seems I've read it before as there were notes on the side in my handwriting......
Fear is unbelief and unbelief makes you fear........
Fear has been a big issue for me since I had my car accident in 1996. I remember in those months I hated to leave the house. When 9-11 hit I was afraid to be anywhere! I was afraid to drive, I was afraid to be a passenger, I was afraid of so many things. Those fears have just changed to other issues in my life.
If I believe in God's goodness and his provision of taking care of His children then what should I fear?
If I believe that we are all pre-destined and life doesn't just happen by chance then isn't God already taking care of what I am fearing?
I am a control freak. No doubt I have issues in this department. So my challenge is not to stay where I don't want to be, to truly let go and let God take care of things. Even the uncertain things that are out of my control.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Chunky Potato Soup
I figured it was easier this way than to try to squeeze a post.
3 cups diced potatoes
1/4 cup chopped onions
throw in broccoli cuts and corn
2 cups milk
3 cups water
3 tbsp butter
1 tbsp fresh parsley (I never have it so I use dried)
1/3 cup parmesan cheese
2 tbsp all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp Mrs. Dash original ( I use whatever I have)
2 cubes vegetable bouillon
2tsp Italian seasoning
Bring water to boil, add fresh herbs and vegetables. Let boil for 5 mins. Add milk and butter, boil 3 mins more. Add spices and seasonings then add flour and cheese.
Stir well so the flour and cheese do not clunk (good luck with that one, mine always do).
Serve when vegetables are tender and flavors are well blended.
It is really good. My friend Larisha made it for us when Jana was very sick and I asked for the recipe.
3 cups diced potatoes
1/4 cup chopped onions
throw in broccoli cuts and corn
2 cups milk
3 cups water
3 tbsp butter
1 tbsp fresh parsley (I never have it so I use dried)
1/3 cup parmesan cheese
2 tbsp all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp Mrs. Dash original ( I use whatever I have)
2 cubes vegetable bouillon
2tsp Italian seasoning
Bring water to boil, add fresh herbs and vegetables. Let boil for 5 mins. Add milk and butter, boil 3 mins more. Add spices and seasonings then add flour and cheese.
Stir well so the flour and cheese do not clunk (good luck with that one, mine always do).
Serve when vegetables are tender and flavors are well blended.
It is really good. My friend Larisha made it for us when Jana was very sick and I asked for the recipe.
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